Formals (M&S)

Formals have been around, like, forever, since Victoria and Albert invented them people have posed in their competitively worn wedding attire according to a set, strict plan. Someone announces each shot, optionally wearing a powdered wig. These are not just photographs.

Group (Ebay)

A more democratised affair — open season for anyone to suggest a group. In reality these are the same as Formals, but the name is meaningfuller. With two photographers you can get into a bidding war for those rare friends, who are also cousins and work colleagues! Results will vary, but take enough and there'll be a good few keepers.

Posed (Vinted)

The same as Formals and Group but don't you just feel more attended to if you've been 'Posed' — "This is my favourite darling, because you are so beautifully posed". The best poses are often those used by Lauren Bacall and Humphrey Bogart in 1945. Classics.

Reportage (Etsy and/or Amazon)

Spans a great range and usually yields a huge quantity of the top-liked images. The subjects of reportage photos are not aware that they are being followed around with a camera. Weddings are the only place you can find your great aunt from Sweden, next to the friend you've known since middle school and your ex-boss from the healthcare centre — how is it they can all be in one place and get on so well together? Similarly, one photo of your dad happily reading the menu seems somehow to be the way you've always thought of him — ordering food at the cafe by the beach on holiday when you were 5. Completely unique.

iPhone (Argos)

Do you ever take a photo on your phone, only to find that the thing you were trying to photograph just looks much smaller when you get it home? That's phones for you. The thing is... they have their place in our lives today and England would not be the same without them. "You're not filming this are you?", which actually means "I wanna be there when you show this to everyone later", is socially lubricating in a way that only football used to be able to achieve.

Fun fact: The late Paul O'Grady's close companion Lily Savage had a song in her act entitled "Argos is a girl's best friend".

Albums (Ikea)

You can't get them 'online', you kind of need to see them live, in person, and turn the pages manually. And you all have to look at the same page together (or you'll get lost). It's amazing, though, how popular they are. I guess when it comes down to it we like a good physical structure. Buyer beware: measure your Kallax unit before deciding upon an album size... have a legitimate reason for leaving it in open view on the coffee table (that is because it won't fit on the shelf).

Art Photography (Habitat)

You hold your breath a little because you don't want to upset the perfect unity of form and function before you. It's Still Photography but a little elevated. No-one is going to believe that these were not posed. People may ask (after breathing again) how long it took to take the photo — best to be very inexact when answering... "Oh you can't imagine, but so worth it". Few people actually know how this is done and you will probably never find out. Best just to accept the magic and ask not how the magic works.